


Baby Steps

by generalwastedisposal



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, MAINLY MARLIZA, maria's learning how to help others, probably not, will i ever write something that's not femslash?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 23:23:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10627326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalwastedisposal/pseuds/generalwastedisposal
Summary: “Liza,” Maria starts, and Eliza can’t help but smile at the nickname. “I am so sure. We’ve been talking about fostering for years!” Eliza knows she’s right, but continues to press.“I know we have, and I know you’ll be an incredible foster mom. But do you think, in this case, her…situation might be a little too close to home for you?” Eliza opens the folder again. She doesn’t want Maria to think Eliza thinks she’s weak, because she never could. Maria’s the strongest person Eliza’s ever met. But, Eliza thinks, and she feels terrible for doing so, what if this is different? What if this is too much?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I wrote another foster care AU. Who's the worst *points at self*

   “You’re sure about this?” Eliza eyes her wife warily, then glances back at the manila file on the desk in front of them.

   Before Maria can answer, the Social Worker who’s been helping them notes her obvious discomfort and graciously excuses himself, knocking over the trashcan on the way out.

   “Liza,” Maria starts, and Eliza can’t help but smile at the nickname. “I am so sure. We’ve been talking about fostering for years!” Eliza knows she’s right, but continues to press.

   “I know we have, and I know you’ll be an incredible foster mom. But do you think, in this case, her…situation might be a little too close to home for you?” Eliza opens the folder again, cringing at the line reading _Reason for removal from last placement._ She doesn’t want Maria to think Eliza thinks she’s weak, because she never could. Maria’s the strongest person Eliza’s ever met. _But_ , Eliza thinks, and she feels terrible for doing so, _what if this is different? What if this is too much?_

   Eliza’s jolted out of her what-if spiral by her wife’s fingers under her chin.

   “I’m going to be fine. It’s been years, years since James. And anyways, maybe that’s why we should take her. I can help her, Liza. I want to.”

   “You’re perfect.” Eliza smiles into the kiss and is about to deepen it when Chris, the social worker, clears his throat to announce his reappearance.

    “So, have you made a decision? I hate to rush you, but I have about a million phone calls to make if it’s a no…so.” Eliza notes that for a social worker, he doesn’t seem to have great social skills.

    “We have. We’d love to foster Ava,” Maria replies graciously.

    “Great! Well, it looks like all your paperwork is in order…” Chris hems and haws over a stack of papers on his desk for a couple of seconds, and then pulls one out. “If you could just sign this final consent form, you can be on your way and Ava’s primary social worker will drop her off tomorrow morning.” Glad that the never ending stack of paperwork has come to an end, Eliza initials, signs, and dates.

   It’s not until they’re in the car, sitting in their daily dose of Seattle rush hour traffic, that Chris’ words really sink in.

   “Wait.” Eliza turns, panicked, to Maria, who doesn’t take her eyes off the road. “Tomorrow morning. As in the day after today.” Maria chuckles.

   “Unless the definition of tomorrow has changed drastically, I’m gonna go with yes.”

   “But the house isn’t ready! We haven’t–”

    “Liza, she’s 14. We don’t need to baby-proof the house, she’ll eat what we eat, we have a guest room with clean sheets. We’ll figure it out as we go.” Eliza slumps back as Maria pulls into the driveway.

   “Why are you always so damn level headed?”

   “You love it.” Maria smirks and reaches over to unbuckle Eliza’s seatbelt.

   “I love you.” Eliza catches her hand, kissing it before she swings the car door open. As they walk up the steps to the porch, Eliza’s tone grows serious.

    “But Mar–for real, you’ll tell me if it’s too much, right? Or if the nightmares come back?” Eliza’s treading carefully. She knows Maria would far prefer to just forget her past entirely.

    “I promise. You know I tell you everything. Now, last kid free night!” Maria shimmies, throwing her head back as she laughs. “Wanna have some fun?”

    Eliza doesn’t respond for a second, because she’s staring, transfixed, at the beautiful woman who she somehow was lucky enough to marry. But then, Maria’s lips are on her neck and Eliza decides there’ll be plenty of time for nostalgic reminiscing later that night.

~

   “Okay, I have cheez-its, orange juice, and chocolate covered pretzels. What else do teenage girls eat?” Eliza has to hold back a laugh when she realizes Maria’s serious, and crosses the kitchen to place a hand on her shoulder.

    “This might be crazy, but consider it: maybe exactly what other living, breathing, humans eat?” Maria smacks Eliza’s hand away and laughs, reaching up to put boxes in the cabinet above the counter.

   “Anyways, we’re at t-minus 20 minutes. You feeling okay?” Eliza meets her wife’s eyes briefly, noting the concern in them, then sighs and hops up on the counter.

   “I’m just scared I’m gonna do something wrong and scare her off and then she’s never gonna trust us.” Maria comes over to Eliza, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

    “Don’t be. You were so incredibly kind and gentle with me, and I know you’re going to show as much love to Ava. Just remember what we said–ask before any touching”

   “–and let her be in control. Yeah, I know.” Eliza cuts her off before hopping off the counter.

   Twenty minutes passes faster than either woman expects, and before they know it the familiar chime of the doorbell echoes through the house.

   Standing behind the door, Eliza isn’t sure what she expects to see on the other side. She’s trying to brace herself when Maria reaches over her and turns the knob herself.

   The front porch holds a woman in a tennis skirt and Nikes, who has a faded blue duffle bag in one hand. Her other hand has a death grip on the shoulder of the girl who’s standing in front of her. As Eliza’s eyes land on Ava, her first thought is _wow, she looks like Angie._ It’s true, the girl standing in front of her is a dead ringer for Eliza’s older sister, but with scared eyes that set her clearly apart from Angelica’s steely and confident gaze.

   “Ava! Sweetheart, we’re so happy to meet you!” Eliza, remembering what Maria had said, resists the urge to pull the girl into a hug, and instead sticks out her hand, which Ava shakes hesitantly, but only after–Eliza notes–the hand on her shoulder squeezes abruptly.

   “I’m Eliza, and this is my wife, Maria.” Noting they’re still standing in the doorway, Eliza jumps back quickly, Maria’s hand on her back the only thing that keeps her from tripping on the shoe rack. “Come in, please!”

    The social worker hands Ava the duffle, Ava practically wilting under the bulky bag. Shaking Eliza and Maria’s hands, the woman introduces herself as Sheri, then tells them she has to make a tennis match, but to call her with any issues. Nodding curtly at Ava, who smiles weakly back, she pivots sharply and leaves, her white SUV peeling sharply out of the driveway a few seconds later.

    “Well, she seems like a real charmer.” Maria’s tone is dripping with sarcasm, and Eliza can’t help but smile when Ava lets out a little giggle. “Here, let me grab that for you. Can we show you your room?”

   “Uh–sure, yeah.” This is the first time Ava’s spoken, and Eliza can’t help but notice the uncertainty in her voice and her darting eyes as Maria takes the bag out of her arms. Eliza smiles encouragingly at the girl, encouraging her to follow Maria up the stairs, which she does as Eliza gives her the grand tour.

    “So, first door on your left is our room, this one on your right is my office–I’m an environmental lawyer for a firm downtown–and this,” she pauses for a second as Maria swings the door open, “is yours.”

   Ava’s quiet for a second, taking in the white walls and queen sized bed.

    “The bathroom’s right across the hall, and both of the doors lock.” Ava looks up, seemingly surprised when Maria says this, but nods quickly.

   “Thank you. That’s–this is all–thanks.”

   “We want you to feel at home here, if you can.” Eliza perches on the edge of the dresser and glances at Maria with a look that she hopes says _it’s your turn to say something meaningful._ Apparently her message gets across because Maria nods and fixes Ava with a serious glance.

   “That said, this room is your space. We will _never_ come in here without your permission, and we’re going to ask the same of you from our room. But other than that, you have free range of the house, anything you need. Sound good?” Ava nods, and Eliza realizes after a couple of seconds of awkward silence that she’s not going to reply.

   “Okay. So we’ll leave you alone to get settled? I’ll make some lunch, are you hungry?”

   “A little. But, only if you’re gonna eat, otherwise I’m okay.” Maria laughs a little, easing the tensions Eliza can feel throughout the room.

   “We can all eat together. Come down whenever you’re ready.” With that, she grabs Eliza’s hand and pulls her out of the room, gently closing the door behind them. The women are moving down the hall when they hear footsteps behind the door and the gentle _click_ of the lock. Eliza’s frozen, staring at the door, when Maria pulls her down the stairs.

   “But what if she needs something, or something happens, and the door’s locked and we can’t get in?” Eliza’s trying to keep her voice calm, but she can hear it wavering.

   “Liza, I think right now the biggest thing she needs is to feel safe, and if it takes locking herself in to do that, so be it.” Maria goes over to fridge and starts opening drawers at random. “Wanna do grilled cheese?” Eliza snorts, taking a pan from the drawer under the stove.

    “Don’t act like you’re gonna cook, Mrs. _I figured out how to burn boil in the bag rice._ ”

   “It was one time!” Maria whines. “I’m never gonna live that down. Besides, I had”

   “an idea. I know.” Eliza likes to tease, but truthfully she’s enamored by Maria’s (somewhat) flighty artistic passion, something Eliza’s rigidly type-A brain has never been able to comprehend.

   Fifteen minutes later, Ava sticks her head in the kitchen hesitantly, and has a seat at the table only after Eliza spots her and welcomes her in. The three of them sit in silence for a bit while they eat, and Eliza thinks she’s about to go crazy from lack of communication when Ava speaks up hesitantly.

   “Ms. Lewis?” Maria doesn’t respond until Eliza kicks her under the table, and then laughs at the misnomer.

   “Oh, no, sweetie. Call me Maria, please. No need for formalities.” Ava looks startled at the laughter from Maria, but recovers quickly and rephrases her question.

    “Ms. Ham–I’m sorry– Eliza said that she’s a lawyer? What do you do?” She’s practically flinching as she asks the question, and Eliza grabs Maria’s hand under the table.

    “Of course, I should’ve mentioned. I’m an art teacher at Patrick Henry Middle School. Ava’s face lights up with recognition.

   “I went there! I never took art though.” She trails off, and Eliza recognizes the pattern of second guessing herself on everything that she saw for months in Maria.

   “No?” Maria grins. “You took music, then?” At Ava’s hesitant nod, her smile grows even wider. “What instrument do you play?”

    “I played the cello, but I don’t anymore.” Eliza, in an attempt to ease the tension, speaks up.

    “Well, if you want to, you could start again! We’d love to hear you play!” Ava stands up so suddenly her chair crashes over, and she jumps at the sound and retreats to the doorway.

    “No. I can’t–I’m sorry.” Tears are forming in her eyes as she glances back and forth between the women, and Eliza’s trying to adopt Maria’s calming demeanor when Ava shakes her head, apologizes one last time, and runs out of the kitchen. Eliza hears her door lock as she follows her upstairs, and has a hand raised to knock when Maria’s hand on her shoulder jolts her out of it.

   “Hey, look at me. I know you want to help her. But invading her personal space is not what she needs right now.” Maria’s whispering quietly, glancing furtively at the door, and Eliza sighs when she realizes she’s right. Settling on the floor across the hallway from Ava’s room, she watches her wife. Maria sinks down in front of the door, tapping quietly after a few seconds. There’s no response, and she nods and begins speaking quietly.

   “Ava? I know you’re scared, and I want you to know that what we said earlier about your room being your space still fully applies. If you want to be in there alone, that’s so okay. But I want you to know that I’m sitting outside the door, and I’m gonna stay here unless you tell me to move. So if you want to come sit on your side of the door and talk or listen or breathe together, that’s okay too.”

   In the seconds of silence that follow, Maria gestures to Eliza, who crosses the hall to her wife, mirroring her crossed legs. Maria presses her ear to the door, smiles, then looks at Eliza, miming walking motions with her fingers. Sure enough, there’s the sound of someone sitting on the floor, and it takes a couple of seconds for Eliza and Maria to hear Ava’s ragged breathing.

   “Hey, Ava? I want to help you get your breathing under control, so I have something I want you to try with me. Can you knock on the door if that’s okay?” Eliza honestly has no idea what she’s doing, but is trying to channel her overwhelming urge to wrap Ava in her arms and never let go into something more productive. Eliza’s heart leaps when there’s a tentative tap, a couple inches off the floor. She wraps Maria’s hand up in hers and takes a deep breath.

   “Okay, so I’m gonna count to three. I want you to try to inhale for three, hold it for three, and then exhale for three.” With Maria breathing exaggeratedly loudly next to her, Eliza begins to count, keeping it up until the click of a lock breaks her pattern.

    When the door swings open, Ava’s standing and swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand, shakily holding onto the door frame.

    “Feeling better?” Maria looks up at the teenager from her perch on the ground.

    “Yeah, thank you.” Ava stands there for a second, and Eliza figures it’s worth a shot.

   “Wanna talk about it?” To her surprise, Ava nods, sitting on the floor several feet away from Maria.

   “In my last placement, I had a school cello that I took back and forth, to practice on. But, um, Mr. Stone didn’t really let me practice, because he said it was annoying. One time, I didn’t think he was home, so I went into my room and I was practicing concert music. He came in and he–he broke my bow in half and broke the neck of my cello. I haven’t played since then.” Based on the way Ava’s been rubbing her right wrist the whole time she talks, Eliza has a suspicion the cello wasn’t the only thing injured in the encounter she’s describing. At a subtle head shake from Maria, however, she decides to leave it alone, content that Ava’s opened up to them, if only this much. When they don’t respond, Ava glances up, looking panicked.

   “I’m sorry, it’s stupid. I didn’t–” But Maria cuts her off.

    “We did forget a rule earlier. Don’t ever apologize for anything like this. We want to help you, and we want you to come to us, and _nothing_ that’s happened to you has been your fault. Got it?” Ava nods, a bit surprised, then steps cautiously across the hall into the bathroom, leaving Eliza to pull Maria off of her butt and into their bedroom.

   “Hey Mar? I’m proud of you.” Maria laughs and shoves Eliza’s arm playfully.

   “Shut up.”

   “No, really. All that stuff about apologizing? That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you forever. And I think you get it now?” Maria cuts off her question with a kiss, and taps Eliza’s nose as she pulls away.

   “Maybe I do.”

   Over the next week, the three girls in the house fall into a bit of a routine. School ended a week before Ava came to them, so Maria and Ava have their days free, and Eliza works from home as much as she can. After three days, Eliza finally finds out that Ava’s a vegetarian, and swaps their diet at home, much to Maria’s chagrin. They take Ava shopping, but soon figure out that she has major issues with making decisions, and decide online purchases are the way to go after a trip to Target results in near-tears in the bathroom.

    Ava’s stopped locking the door during her panic attacks, but she also hasn’t opened it to them, and continues to lock it at night, which leads to sleepless nights of Maria holding a weepy Eliza as Ava’s nightmare-induced cries pierce through the walls.

   A week after she comes to live with them, Eliza brings up the idea of introducing Ava to their friends, only if Ava is up to it.

   “I’ll be fine, I promise! Have as many people over as you want!” Maria, who can pretty much read Ava like a book at this point, arches an eyebrow.

   “Okay, so it’s gonna be Eliza’s sisters, our friend Alex and his boyfriend John, and our friend Laf.”

   “Sounds great!” Ava’s already met Peggy and Angelica, who cooed over her until she had to remind them that she was not in fact, a toddler, so it’s not the Schuylers who are worrying Eliza. Based on Chris’ insistence that they’d be “the perfect home” for Ava, she and Maria had deduced that the abuse she’s endured has probably been at the hands of men. Of course, Ava’s refusal to discuss her past means that they’re grasping at straws, so it’s with heavy reluctance that they invite the boys over for dinner.

   To Ava’s credit, she makes it through almost a full hour and a half with the group. Eliza keeps a careful eye on her as she shakes hands with Alex, John, and Laf, and can’t help but notice Ava’s stiff posture and constant eye-flitting to the closest exit. However, despite constant assurances that she’s welcome to go up to her room if she wants, Ava takes a glass of lemonade and sits on the sofa, doing a better job than Peggy of pretending to follow Alex and Ang’s back and forth political bickering.

   John’s offered to cook, insisting that he wants to save the world from another of Eliza’s monotonous meals (she scowls initially, but doesn’t show that much regret as she hands over her spatula). In the end it’s just coincidence that Ava’s pouring herself another glass of lemonade when John drops a cutting board on his toe, and John doesn’t think twice before letting loose a stream of superlatives that probably sends Mother Theresa spinning in her grave.

   Eliza hears John, but doesn’t remember that Ava’s in there too until she hears the splintering crash of glass and sees a black-haired blur speed by and up the stairs. Maria meets Eliza’s panicked eyes and they take off after Ava, leaving Angelica to deal with the presumed mess in the kitchen.

   Ava hasn’t even made it to her room, but is lying in a ball at the top of the stairs, head tucked in between her knees and bleeding hand held out gingerly. With a single look, Maria goes to grab the first aid kit in the bathroom, leaving Eliza with the panicked girl on the floor.

   “Ava? Can you hear me?” There’s no response, and Eliza’s trying to figure out what to do next when Maria reappears, speaking calmly but firmly.

   “Ava, I’m gonna clean up your hand now. Tell me at any point if you need me to stop.” She doesn’t, but continues to hyperventilate into her knees as Maria wipes the blood off her hand and wraps it in a gauze bandage, securing it with tape. Eliza tries to keep up a steady stream of gentle, encouraging thoughts as Maria bandages her, but is still trying to control her anger at John. When Maria puts the kit down, Eliza gives communication another try. Still crouched down at the girl’s level, she speaks to her quietly, trying to emulate the tone of Maria’s voice.

   “Ava? Can I touch you?” The words are barely out of her mouth when Ava unwinds herself from the ball she’s been in and holds out a hand to Eliza, burying her face in her neck as Eliza pulls her close. Maria makes eye contact with her wife behind Ava’s back and smiles, offering a thumbs up and a mouthed “good job!”

   In the end, Eliza and Ava stay like that on the landing for almost half an hour, giving Ava enough time to get her breathing fully under control, though she’s still holding onto Eliza’s hand tightly when they make it back downstairs.

   Alex, John, and Laf have vanished, and Angelica and Peggy have strategically reset the table for five, grabbing plates out of the oven as soon as the house’s three occupants reenter the scene. Angelica, who Eliza’s been confiding in about Ava’s apparent fear of physical touch, raises an eyebrow at their joined hands, but doesn’t say anything.

   That night, Ava disappears into her room as usual, and Eliza’s more than a little disappointed at the disparity between her openness earlier and this return to routine.

   “Baby steps,” Maria tells her, kissing her on the nose, before running downstairs to grab her phone charger. When she comes back in, there’s a grin slowly spreading across her face, and she grabs Eliza’s hand with a finger to her lips before Eliza can ask what’s going on. Maria leads her out into the hallway, pointing two doors down.

   Ava’s door is ajar, and through the crack, Eliza can see her peacefully asleep, the moonlight leaking in through the blinds illuminating her face. Eliza turns to Maria, tears already forming.

   “It’s not locked.” Maria nods.

   “Told you, my love. She’ll get there”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Also, friends: I have 3/4 of a oneshot finished in the Uncanny Accuracy of Fate universe. If you'd be interested, I'll start a collection of them. (Also, if you have suggestions for what you wanna hear about from our pal Cami, I will cherish you forever.) Comment here or on UAOF!  
> xo


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